The Museum

Great Clothes I Have Owned

Yeah, you'll probably recognize several of these from the strip. This is the Beer Palace Racing Team, a tee I got from Alice Underground in Soho back in '02, I think. This one's a sentimental favorite for a few reasons, one of which is it was one of the first steps in the kind-of reinvention/restyling of self I underwent after breaking up with 1.0 and getting my head back in one piece after 9/11 in the City.

Also, the number on the back of it is Tim Wakefield's. Fuck yeah, Wake! It's a shame the numbers are cracking and pulling at the fabric.

Check that sucker out - you can totally see my hand through it.

This is Boecker, who is a possession of Jen's in the strip. I bought this sucker for $10 in Campo dei Fiori in bella Roma back in the fall of '97. My at-the-time roommate Juice had bought a similar model, but without the nametag on it. The amount of people who have tried to speak German to me while I was wearing this thing is nearly incomprehensible. The strangest one was the guy manning the door at Ricky's during the Halloween season. The craziest thing ever when I was wearing this jacket was... And this was in January '03, I think, I was waiting for this friend of Drolett's in Penn Station, and this crazy dude came up to me and muttered something in German. I said, "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm not German." He goes, "I know you're not. You should take that fuckin' jacket off. There are people who will hurt you for wearing that." I don't know if he thought I was a terrorist, or if he was some sort of militant holding a grudge against Germany for WWII crimes or something, but, yeah, I left that Hudson News and kept plenty of security between him and me until Drolett's friend's train got in.

It also didn't have those leet lieutenant (or whatever) strips on the shoulder. (Nor the green paint in between the flag and the stripes - that's courtesy an N-train platform.)

Every time I put Boecker on, the sleeve rips just a little bit more.

You've all seen this hat - Ron wore it and then Jen wore it earlier this year, and it's the icon for the Museum. I bought this sucker in the summer of '94, and it's seen me through many a lawn-mowing.

The plastic one-size-fits-all strap has seen many iterations of my head - buzzcut me (that was an unfortunate one), kind-of-normal me, inadvisably longish-haired me from freshman year, back to kind-of-normal and slightly overweight me, and then shaggy-topped and runnin'-all-the-time me. Also note that I cut out the inside netting in the front part of the hat. Did everyone do that? I assume they did, but I haven't bought a ballcap in quite a while, so I could be wrong.

Check out that sexy sweat stain. Fuck yes.

And this... This is old orange. The single greatest piece of apparel I've ever owned. My cousin Joey gave me this when I was 13.

How did the neck get that worn? I have no idea. My back is not especially razor-blade-like. Also, please be aware that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. God, the early 90s were awesome.

This is a view of the back of the shirt - seriously, check out that battle damage. It looks like I'm a New Kid on the Block trying to get through an army of groupies or something.

Why am I showing you guys all of this? Because - and this will blow the mind of anyone who knows me personally - I have retired all of these clothes to the great hamper in the sky. I shall wear them each no more forever. Yes, that's right - the hat is gone. Did you all feel the disruption in the Force? I can't tell you how many attempts were made on the life of that hat. That poor, beautiful hat. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, FUCKERS?! ARE YOU HAPPY WITH WHAT YOU'VE REAPED?! I hope you are. I hope you are. (Full confession - the only reason the hat got tossed was because there was nothing for the duct tape to hold onto anymore. Everything else was just getting too see-through or was ripping every single time I put it on.)