Comic for Friday, December 2nd, 2005

Posted: 7:11 am, Friday, December 2, 2005

First off, hey, a big hand to everyone for being so chatty the past few days. Makes the morning go faster when there's a conversation. Especially to anyone offerin' help with my church search or at least sympathizing. Means a lot, gang.

Weird grab bag of a post today - some links, something weird I wrote for no clear reason, and then the gift guide I won't shut the hell up about.

First off, I totally biffed and forgot Grafe's last column of the year yesterday. This is not because I forgot his column ran on the first Thursday of the month - it's because I went through most of yesterday thinking it was Wednesday, despite having a few conversations about the new episode of Lost throughout the day.

Second, Grafe sent in this bizarre article about chess boxing. Yeah, no, seriously. Chess boxing. Have fun with that one.

This is about the awesomest comic cover I've ever seen. A Kirby from 1954 about the D-Day invasion. I know I've been running a lot of random crap about comic books lately, but, uh, I kind of have a vested interest in drawin' styles and what-not these days. Anyway, check it out.

We discussed the Kansas Board of Dumbification yesterday, and the Leahy Lounge has an interesting take on teaching the Bible in our classrooms that I'm sure someone's thinking of.

I heard around the interweb a bit about how terrible Keith Jackson was announcing the Irish game last weekend, but didn't really believe it. Until the House Rock Built cut this Real Men of Genius spoof together (sound, more or less safe for work - the word dumb-ass appears). I realize this is picking the worst moments out of a three and a half hour telecast, but, wow. Am I ever glad I watched the first half at a bar and drank steadily through the second half.

E and I were, for reasons that shall remain undisclosed, discussing the Mountaineers of West Virginia University last night. I alluded to their penchant for burning couches; E understood not; I typed in "west virginia burn couch" and came up with quite a few results. This was my favorite of the first six or so that I actually bothered to look at. Collegiate couch burning as explained by a Brit.

Oh, this is a funny one - the dude from Creed apparently jumped 311. I have no idea.

I was listening to the Q-Unit 50 Cent/Queen mash-up yesterday, and for some reason wrote this on my lunch break:

Area Crack Dealer Uninterested in Becoming Gangsta Rapper

BRONX, NY. Lamar Jacobs, 24, has shocked and confused his friends and family by steadfastly refusing to record raps about his exploits dealing crack in the ‘hood. “I keep tellin’ Lamar, you know, he should get his act together and get to a studio.  But the damn fool keeps pushin’ rocks,” Clyde Simmons, 23, a friend of Jacobs, reports.  Jacobs is bucking the industry trend of drug dealers becoming rap icons.  Christopher “Notorious B.I.G” Wallace, Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson along with several members of his "G-Unit", Calvin “Snoop Dogg” Broadus, Jr., have all boasted about their illegal activities in song and walked away multimillionaires because of it.  The phenomenon is not limited to African-American pushers, either, as Robert James “Kid Rock” Ritchie also dealt crack for a time before becoming a rap/rock/country/whatever star.  When reached for comment, Jacobs reported that, “I’m just not that good at rhyming.”  He also cited the fact that more people have been shot outside of New York’s hip-hop radio station Hot 97 this year than on his street corner, and that competition is down ever since Roc-a-Fella signed Maurice Arthurs from the next block over last month.

I don't know, either. Sorry.

OK! Time for the

2005 Five Bucks to Friday Gift Guide

That's really cumbersome if you say it out loud - two thousand five five .. Bleh. Next year, it won't be a problem.

Pete, taking a break from studying for his illegally attended law school classes, just downloaded the Boulevard of Broken Songs and a few other mashes from Party Ben's site, and has now decided to become a DJ himself. First and foremost, he'll need a copy of How to DJ Right. Then he'll need the iDJ. It allows you to plug two iPods in and mix them together, perfect for the aspiring masher and those of you out there who just need stuff, expenses be damned. For when this hobby escapes Pete's two-second attention span and he returns to squatting Columbia Law, help him fit in with another t-shirt and a rockin' office set from the MoMA Design Store. Jen, for her part, is getting Pete In Defense of American Liberties in hopes that she can get him interested in the ACLU with his fancy degree. Also, because Pete's a follower and it seems like this is one of the hot Christmas gifts this season, check out this weird and completely useless robotic chimp head. And because Pete believes money is no object, m'ise well get him this ridiculous thing from the ND store, and this shirt, just so he can burn it. And, the height of uselessness, a jewel-studded Winnie the Pooh Pez dispenser.

Ron's list is kind of a hodgepodge of helping others and crap that he wants himself. As far as the former goes, he'd love anything from the Cliff Notes body of work, largely to give to Pete and force him to get his literary allusions right. Also for Pete, but only because Ron's not quite an XL, m'ise well look at this super-fly shirt. And showing that his grasp on the appropriate is rock solid, he actually asked Lissa to get him the Flowers in the Attic design from Threadless. It's all but sold out, which saved Lissa from having to tell Ron he's really sick. She bought him the Diabolical Hot Dog instead, but you should all check Threadless out because they've got a massive sale going on right now. Several readers would've been getting gifts from their stockpiles, if only just about everything weren't already sold out. Ron would also like the bundle pack from McSweeney's of their comic book issue and the other issue that comes with it (he's mostly interested in the comic issue), and a power drill would be handy to fix up the damage that Pete inflicts on a domicile. And not that he needs the excuse anymore, but a Starbucks gift card would give him ample reason to get away from the office and go see what Kelly's up to.

Just like Faith No More, Jen cares a lot and she's out to save the world. She's taking the very Lisa Simpson stance of forgoing gifts of her own in hopes that people donate to some worthy causes, instead. The Susan G. Komen breast cancer foundation is one. Catholic Charities is another. Because SKT reads Jen as Jewish, the American Jewish World Service is another. MoveOn, to help take the country back, and the Disabled American Veterans, to thank those who were lied to in order for Not-my-president's cronies' stock to go up. In a completely different vein, Penny-Arcade's annual Child's Play drive provides toys, games and cash for children's hosptials across the country and now the world. And if you must get Jen something, this dress is her style, as is this shirt. And with all that good-doin' in the course of a day, doesn't the gal deserve to snooze in a set of Wonder Woman underwear? Oh, and in case you're rich and really want to impress Jen, she'd dig a Vespa. Eggshell blue, please.

Lissa, having lived through Jen taking up guitar and knitting both in the past twelve months, needs a drink. Lots of them. And she therefore needs relief from hangovers. Help her get it with this egg and muffin toaster and some Gatorade. After that, help her knock Pete by sending him this card instead of one where she's dressed up like the Mariah Carey Christmas album cover. And since Jen's a fair way off from being able to create any bags or clothing or anything, maybe a nice bag from Sew Darn Cute would be in order. Tweet and Cake are both pretty rockin', and not beneath the fashion sensibilities of our glamour gal. Some pillows would help class the joint up, too. Oh, clothes are pretty friggin' sweet, too. A top from Antropologie, a skirt from Burberry, and some lacy unmentionables from Wolford. And, yes, Lissa will ask for lingerie every year that I do this thing.

So, there we go. Some people ask for more than others, and some don't really honor the bounds of normal wallets, but don't judge them for it. It's the holidays, and flights of fancy are more common in the coming weeks. Oh, and, hey - I took an ornament from the chruch tree. I need to give a six-year old girl something. Any ideas, folks? (Quick shout outs to Maxim and New York magazine since I pinched a few things from their lists.)

Hey - happy friggin' weekend, too.

bullfrog

Stapp has been quite the bugger of late, I had seen this one yesterday. He caused havoc on the set of a Spike TV show...

http://www.nydailynews.com/front/story/370687p -315063c.html

For the six-year-old girl, I shamelessly recommend the darling book "Ella Takes the Cake":

http://www.arthuralevinebooks.com/book.asp?boo kid=97

paired with a children's baking set:

http://www.home-goods-store.com/products/B0000 X2BTA/Kitchen/Accessories_item/sassafras_kids_cookie_making_ kit.html

Or anytime you're in Soho, swing by the Scholastic Store, and if I'm around I'm happy to use my 30% employee discount to help you get something.

And girly squee-ness: Yay for more hand-holding!

Last, courtesy of the Leaky Cauldron, Forbes has posted a list of the 15 richest fictional characters. Santa Claus is #1, Bruce Wayne #8, Lara Croft #13, and Lucius Malfoy #15, having (hilariously) made his fortune in Muggle stocks like Wal-Mart, Microsoft, and Halliburton.

http://www.forbes.com/2005/11/29/forbes-fictio nal-rich_cx_mn_de_05fict15land.html

http://www.forbes.com/2005/12/01/potter-malfoy -wealth_cx_de_05fict15_1201malfoyprofile.html

While Santa's unlimited money is hard to approach, I think Malfoy could come pretty close if he were actually playing the stock market. The Imperio Curse would come in really handy on the floor at Wall Street.

That little thing you wrote was pretty funny babe. Sort of Onionesque...perhaps there's a future for you in the fake news genre?

Thanks for the link to my site.

I really don't understand the practice of burning couches. I mean, seriously -- these clowns set fire to the dumpsters a few weeks back when we won against Pitt.

Seriously, this is beyond retarded.