Comic for Thursday, December 1st, 2005

Posted: 12:20 am, Thursday, December 1, 2005

Hm, don't know why I felt the need to make that one so small. Oh well. Hope it's legible, if not, I'll fix it in the evening. It's all a crafty plot to double my page views.

Merry December, all. I got my Christmas shopping started yesterday with a bang - I think I'm about seventy percent done - and I think I'm doing pretty well so far. A few people that I always have trouble with have so far dropped like passes intended for Michigan's receivers. I bet no one saw a dig at UM coming in this paragraph. Well, I'm crafty like that.

The Kansas Board of Dumbification is looking to ban some strange books. 'Black Boy'? You can't handle thoughts on racism written fifty or more years ago? Wow. The most interesting bit of that to me is where they mention the 'Nam book, Fallen Angels, and include The Things They Carried, a beautiful and brilliant book about Vietnam, as "promot[ing] one narrow opinion about the Viet Nam War." OK, Kansas - first off, you're not going to find much dissent about Nam unless you're talking to the current crop of Republican congressmen. But, since Fallen Angels should be discounted because the author wasn't in the war, the current crop of Republican congressmen should be discounted because they weren't either. (Obvious exception being John McCain, who I really doubt has good things to say about the way.) Second, by arguing the dismissal of Fallen Angels on the basis of the author wasn't there, and lumping it so closely with the otherwise unexplained The Things They Carried, you're using intellectually dishonest arguing techniques to imply that Tim O'Brien wasn't in 'Nam either, which he was. It's a basic technique that they use on Fox News all the time, and that Not-my-president used to convince the South and the Midwest that Iraq was behind 9/11. But, honestly, who expect anything different from the Kansas Board of Dumb?

Give the Village Voice some props. Two weeks after this article reminding everyone that the cabaret laws still exist came out, the NYPD raided a bunch of bars for violations of the cabaret law. They're not the sorts of places I frequent - well, Bar None is because it's cheap, but I generally stay in Brooklyn these days - but I still don't like the idea of cops randomly breaking up good times, anymore than I did in collitch. We've got bigger worries than some DJs hooking folks up with some drugs, no?

Jack White's producing a baby stripe. That's fun to see. I feel attached to the man, having gone as him on Halloween. By the way, did you notice that crazy wedding? A shaman ceremony? What the hell? And then a Catholic blessing? What?

Speaking of Catholicism, I'm a bit fed up with the church I've been attending. I was subjected to a twenty-minute homily this past weekend about how we, as Catholics, should say Merry Christmas instead of happy holidays. I'm of mixed feelings about this - the reason I'm saying anything regarding the season to you (if I am) is because it's Christmas. I'm not buying gifts because it's Hannukah. But I live in a very multicultural city, obviously, and how the hell do I know who celebrates Christmas or not? You're not going to find a bigger Christmas nut in ten counties than this guy right here, but I see absolutely nothing wrong in saying happy holidays. And I don't see the phrase 'happy holidays' as a war on Christmas by the liberal media, as this priest mentioned. So, I sat there fuming in Mass, and then a good deal of the congregation applauded when he finally finished his tirade. This same priest said something about the immorality of our government allowing a woman to starve to death back when that whole Schiavo thing was going on. The problem isn't that he's a right winger - I half-expect clergy to be - it's that he keeps bringing politics into Mass, which I view as a safely apolitical activity, and a nice hour of quiet reflection every week. So, I'm starting to look for other Catholic churches to attend, because I don't need this guy's bullshit. I'd also like a progressive one while I'm at it. I started the search the same place I do every search I undertake - google. I haven't found a church yet, but I did find this blog, a rather in-depth and intellectual look at the Catholic church with a nice liberal bent. This'll help greatly 'til I find a church to go to (hopefully closer than the one I found in Bay Ridge). By the way - your friend and mine Bill O'Reilly is selling holiday ornaments. My kingdom for a clergy not controlled by fucking idiots.

If you scroll through that blog very far, you'll notice a lot of discussion about the Church's edicts concerning gays in the seminary that came out last week. I have to admit, I haven't actually gotten very far in reading about it, but it serves as a nice segue for my next bit: Brady Quinn was named sexiest man alive by Gay Priest Monthly. That's obviously a joke, but Brady does seem to be attracting a lot of attention from the gay boys. Also, Heisman voters.

Two more things. One, E sent me this yesterday, the announcement of the public part of her friend Kristen's PhD quals out in Stanford:

Special Seminar
University PhD Qualifying Examination/Research Proposal
Department of Civil and Environmental Engineering
Stanford University

Nonlinear Internal Wave Forcing on Tropical Reef Systems

Ms. Kristen
Environmental Fluid Mechanics and Hydrology

Friday, December 2, 2005
3:00PM*
Terman Engineering Ctr, Room M-33

Abstract
Hydrodynamics are central to the study of reef ecosystem processes. The interaction of large-scale flows with the rough bottom topography of the reef creates turbulence in the bottom boundary layer, and drives the vertical transport of material from the water column to the benthos.  Most of the research to date addressing wave-dynamics on coral reefs has focused on boundary layers, vertical mixing, and mass transfer due to surface-gravity waves.  Many reefs, however, are thriving at depths at which surface gravity wave-driven flow is minimal ( i.e. on offshore banks or continental shelf edges) and where alongshore currents and internal waves dominate the bulk transport of water masses and bottom boundary layer physics.  Baroclinic motions on the continental shelf can create strong stratification and shear near the bed, defining the structure of the turbulent boundary layer, and thus controlling vertical mixing and mass transport to the reef benthos.  While many aspects of internal wave-driven flow on the continental shelf are well-documented, the only study that we are aware of that addresses internal wave-driven boundary layer dynamics on a rough coral slope is that which our group recently completed during the July and August 2005 Aquarius missions on Conch Reef, Florida.

The fundamental goals of the proposed research are to investigate the transfer of energy from nonlinear waves shoaling on a rough coastal slope to turbulent mixing on the shelf and to understand the effects of intensified near-bed stratification and shear on turbulent bottom boundary layer dynamics.  We will also consider the implications of the mixing of cool, nutrient-rich water masses on the continental shelf for mass transfer to benthic organisms.  These objectives will be addressed through a combination of analyses performed on data collected during the most recent field experiment in July and August 2005 and a coupled large and small-scale field study of nonlinear internal wave dynamics on the continental shelf proposed for summer 2006 on Conch Reef, Florida. 

*This seminar comprises the public portion of Ms Kristen's PHD qualifying exam.

I have no idea what the hell any of that means, but the last time I saw Kristen, the two of us had each eaten a half-dozen pickles in a pickle-eating contest. That's not anything sexual - we were just eating pickles. What can I say, I was the designated driver that night.

And, finally, in case anyone's interested, Five Bucks to Friday Christmas cards for the 2005 Christmas season! I actually made a few that just say Happy Holidays - screw you, Fr. Anger. They're .pdfs that you can print out back-to-back, or just the front of if you want to write your own intro. Also, you have to kind of cut them out - I don't know what the hell I was doing last year with the Christmas cards, but I didn't duplicate it this year. I just realized I don't have thumbnails to put up, so you'll get those tomorrow.

Tomorrow: the Five Bucks shoppin' guide! Whoo, Christmas! Hannukah! Kwanza! Holidays! Fuck yeah!

bullfrog

answers to your inquiry, 'what's the deal w/amtrak' can be found here: http://www.thetravelinsider.info/2002/0222.htm

if you have an aaa membership, you can get a 10% discount. or check out amtrak's sale page: http://www.amtrak.com/servlet/ContentServer?pa gename=Amtrak/Page/Collection_Page&c=Page&cid=1083682685604& ssid=224

The Things They Carried! That's a wonderful book! Oh man, that just burns me up. We should just take their statehood away from them. Unbelievable.

If I remember right, the pickle-eaters were more dehydrated than the drinkers the next day. Wasn't there supposed to be a rematch someday...

I do remember coming off worse for wear thanks to the pickles. You tell Kristen "anytime, anywhere," and that none of her fancy undertow wave modulation can save her when I get my pickle-eating on next time.

By the way, that top link from Dave is really good. It's basically the conversation I had with 2.0 last night about trains, up until the last point - long-distance trains should be marketed as an upscale train lover's experience. I had forgotten that train lovers were out there, despite the fact that 2.0's mom is one and actually took the train from our place back up to Rochester on, oh, Monday.

Jeremiah, if you haven't been there, you might try the Catholic church at the corner of 4th Ave. and 9th St. in Park Slope. I've attended with my friend Katy a few times, and while I don't remember it being particularly liberal, it didn't seem crazy-conservative either -- lots of families, if I remember correctly. Katy also went to St. Mary of the Sea Star (I think) in Carroll Gardens sometimes, just off the Smith & 9th St. stop.

You are also always welcome to come to my crazy-liberal and wonderful Methodist Church at 8th St. and 6th Ave. -- we don't have a Pope or regular Communion, but a bigger bunch of Christian Bush-haters you will never meet. :-)

I'm also looking for a nice church, although I'm so frustrated with Benedict's latest paper on gays that I haven't been considering it much lately.

Anyway, last week I found this "church search" page, which may or may not be helpful (I only saw one in Brooklyn listed) but I thought I'd pass it along... http://www.bustedhalo.com/faith_guides/church_ search.php?state=NY&submit=Search

How can anything regarding the Kansas Board of 'Education' be surprising after they passed the 'Intelligent Design' ruling? I wonder if science class in Kansas will have enough time to do Adam and Eve, Scientology, and the Flying Spaghetti Monster all in the same day?

Zero

St. Andrew's out in Bay Ridge got some props when I was looking around, but there's got to be something closer. I'm in a city with, what, eight million Catholic churches, I can't find one closer than Bay Ridge whose priest doesn't get his homilies from the Fox News website? And the invite's appreciated, Cheryl. I may wind up doing that and grabbing Communion at Mass both if this search doesn't yield anything.

And, Zero, c'mon, you're asking a bit much. You can dedicate a lifetime studying the Flying Spaghetti Monster and not come to grasp all the nuances of his noodly appendages.

I go to Mass in Forest Hills, Queens, where the two priests are both '70s-liberal-style Catholic clergymen who don't bring politics into the Mass but stop and make you reflect a lot during the ceremony. I'm a fan. It's Our Lady Queen of Martyrs on Queens Boulevard. I think that might be the most Catholic name for a church ever.

The University of Kansas tried to make amends for the state by creating a course called "Intelligent Design and other Religious Mythologies." But then I just read that they made the professor change the title, so, yeah, they're crazy.

Does this quest for a new chuch mean you lost your guide to catholic chuches in all cities that we were all issued upon graduation from ND? Shameful.

Man, I was just happy they gave me the diploma. I think everything else got left in the hallway of Alumni.

The only way to make that church sound more Catholic would be to throw Blood or Name in there somehow. Oh, and Cheryl, it's Mary, Star of the Sea. But I only remember that because it was the name of the album of the post-Pumpkins Billy Corgan band, Zwan.

I'm just now getting around to posting this (my first break of the day), so maybe you can post the link on Friday. Grafe's last column ran today. He survived 12 months of torturous last minute writing marathons...and can be proud, I think. (OK, I apologize for getting cheesy.) Here's the link: http://www.charlotte.com/mld/charlotte/news/13 298412.htm

Question about the message on your last card...."WWJDD".....I know what "WWJD" stands for....but what's the extra "D" mean? Do I have to pay you royalties if I send out these cards? I gave up sending cards after the year I sent Christmas cards with Hannakuh stamps and everyone had a comment, but I really like these....

Actually, nothing to do with the traditional WWJD. It stands for "What Would Johnny Damon Do". Cards 2, 3, and 4 are actually the cards I sent out last year, so the reference to Fallujah in card 3 wasn't so out of place, and the reference to the Red Sox center fielder in the fourth one was a bit more timely, as well. Nothing can help card 2. It's referencing an event that never even happened in a comic strip, the Great Tinsel Fire of '97. For some reason, the concept of the Great Tinsel Fire of '97 is endlessly hilarious to me. This reason is because I'm a fool, no doubt.