Comic for Wednesday, Dec 1, 2004

Posted: 9:20 am, Wednesday, December 1, 2004

Goddamn trains and the rain and pretty much everything. Sorry I'm late, gang.

Happy belated birthday to Fair JJ!

And the Ty era is done at ND, so that's pretty exciting. Whooooo! Heard from basically everyone from school yesterday, over l'e-mail or l'cell phone. No one sounds too broken up. Poor Ty. Good man, by all accounts, lousy coach.

So, merry December! As some of you may know, and all of you will become aware, I have something of a "problem" when it comes to Christmas. I tackle the month of December with much of the same energy, and slightly less of the misguided mania of Jack Skellington. I have boxes upon boxes of Christmas stuff in the apartment that poor 2.0 is going to have to put up with for a month or so. She's already been fed eggnog a few times since Friday. The oven will be aglow with the baking of Christmas cookies before long. Rudolph is on tonight, I think, and I'm already giddy thinking about the Charlie Brown Christmas special. Back home, my parents have already tagged a tree so large that they're going to have to trim it down quite a bit. This is a remarkable feat - their trees are typically over 22 feet tall. There's simply nothing about Christmas I don't like. Shopping, cards, cookies, decorating, music, it's all good for me. I'm a bit insane that way, really.

So, to help get things going, I've got a few Christmas goodies as an early gift to all you faithful readers. Here are .pdf files of the cards I designed for Christmas last year. If you don't feel like going the "classy," "sane," or "acceptable by society" Hallmark way this year, I've got your back. Just click any of the images below to open them as a .pdf, print them on a color printer, then fold them in a way that makes sense. (This stuff'll be in the museum all month.)

As you can kinda make out from the black and white one that's a sorta Wonderful Life goof, I've changed the date of the Great Tinsel Fire from '97 to 2002. Since Pete and Ron have been established as being roommates from Notre Dame and are 23 now in 2004, it wouldn't make any sense for Pete to know that Ron somehow caused a tinsel fire when he was 17.

ESPN's Sports Guy apparently watched the Maury Povich show over Thanksgiving (go about 2/3s the way down). I caught this during a snow day last year - all they ever do is paternity tests on that show now. It's awesome. Every episode is determining who is which woman's baby daddy.

Three days until I become the one angry liberal Catholic boozehound at a happy conservative Baptist dry wedding. Smell the anticipation! To brush up on how to carry myself in this company, I've been reading Plugged In Online, a Christian review site of things that you would've sworn were meant to entertain but are actually there to eat your child's mind. Actually, Plugged In isn't that crazy. It's a little crazy, but it's got nothing on this guy, who reviews movies that apparently appall him at every turn. Some of my favorites are his Freddy v. Jason review (one of three to get a zero, and one of 2.0 and my first dates), Harry Potter (magic is the devil's work!), Who Gets the House (somehow scores a 100), and Bowling for Columbine, where I'm not sure if the guy even saw the right movie. Highly, highly recommended site. Look up your favorite film, I guarantee you it's evil.

Fark found this Dear Abby column - Confused in Virginia should've called herself Ass-Retarded in Virginia.

bullfrog