Comic for Tuesday, Nov 16, 2004

Posted: 8:57 am, Tuesday, November 16, 2004

It is time to admit it - I am very bad at fantasy sports. Especially football. RAW wrote me a missive a few weeks back urging me not to be "that guy," who just gives up on his team midway through the year. Now, as Five Buckers know, the month of October m'ise well have not happened for me - I was so wrapped up in baseball that I didn't notice the entire rest of the month - but my excuse that baseball took my attention only half-explains the nosedive Huge In Germany took in Sickie's League. The whole, awful truth is that I am a horrid fantasy GM. And when I'm not, luck kills me. My running back corps, at the beginning of the season, was anchored by Stephen Davis and Jamal Lewis. Last year, these two totaled about 3,500 rushing yards. This year, Davis has been taken out behind the barn and shot, and Lewis has been suspended for running cocaine. Thankfully, his jailtime isn't until after the season, because he was my big points-generator on Sunday. My other running back this Sunday? Lamont Jordan, who managed to throw an interception. Awesome!

Then take my receivers - in ten weeks, I think my receivers have caught two touchdowns. This is aided by the fact that the computer autodraft picked up two Redskins receivers for me. I am a Skins fan, despite their awful nickname, but this is nothing I told the computer to do. Our starting quarterback went 1 for 8 for six yards and an interception on Sunday. Yeah, those receivers are goldmines for my team. Another of my receivers is on the Carolina Panthers, the first team to go from 1-15 to the Super Bowl in two years, and who is becoming the first team to try and go from the Super Bowl back to 1-15 in another two. I'd say one year, but the squad managed to eke a game out this weekend.

Which is more than I can say about Huge in Germany. RAW's More Cowbell kicked our butts this week.

Hey, Notre Dame's slated to be a five-seed, with stable momentum. Damn! There's always a 12-5 upset in the Big Dance, too. Oh, wait, this item is running four months too early. But, since the football team is in shambles, m'ise well shift immediately to the basketball team. By the way, support the team and Coaches Vs. Cancer or something.

Two cool things on ESPN yesterday - first, a list of crazy collitch rivalry trophies. CK, your school is on there, E, the Illibuck trophy is there, and my cousin Scotty and Beth's school is #1. Some of my friends will remember having been regaled with stories of Wittenberg University over Easter at my Aunt Marilyn's house from sophomore year. Good times. Or something. Anyway, I find a disturbing amount of references to Wittenberg on-line - TMQ referenced it a few weeks back in his Obscure Collitch Football Game of the week. My father, being utterly bizarre, has for some reason adopted Wittenberg U and also St. Anselm's Collitch in New Hampshire as schools to root for. My car, a sort of trade-off hand-me-down from the 'rents, has a St. Anselm sticker on it, and no ND one. Peter has gone to games between Siena (his actual alma mater) and St. Anselm, and rooted for St. Anselm. He frequently asks me why Notre Dame doesn't give Wittenberg's coach a look whenever we lose to an inferior team (i.e., every week during the fall). None of this has anything to do with the fact that Wittenberg used to play a game for a human skull, but, still. Good to know.

The other thing on ESPN was that Dan Castellanata, Ray Kroc and Ernest Hemingway evidently all went to the same high school - Oak Park-River Forest, in Illinois. I have to think that one of the few people to actually be more famous than Dan Castellanata may be Hemingway. Can you imagine being Homer and still not being the most famous alum of your friggin' high school? God. I could run into center field of Shea Stadium and moon the crowd, and automatically be the most famous person to ever graduate from my high school. And how about Kroc? I mean, he's outshone by both of those guys, and all he did was change the eating habits of the planet! Oak Park-River Forest. Who knew?!

I think we're good here.

bullfrog