Comic posted Wednesday September 15, 2004

Posted: 8:48 am, Wednesday, Sept. 15, 2004

I'm going to lead off this post with a nice little story about how SUV owners in general are typically vain, insecure people who worry about their marriages. That's Chrysler's own research talking, people.

So, if owners of normal SUVs are insecure, what about the owner of an H2?

Needless to say, I despise Hummers. My gut reaction has always been to flip them off - something 2.0 is trying to get me to stop, since we live in New York, a city not famous for being pacifist. But, I'm not the only one out there with that reaction. There's this guy and this guy, too.

Turns out the friggin' things aren't even good at what they're supposed to do (assuming GM actually means for them to do something other than compensate for the owner's penis size). Here's a heartwarming tale of an asshat in an H2 crashing a Jeep rally, getting his H2 stuck, and having a 30-year-old Wrangler get him out of the fix he's in. Rock!

And to top it all off, Craig's List hates the fuckers, too.

Regarding the strip itself, this was actually the first one I drew over the summer, when I finally decided to actually go ahead and do Five Bucks. As a result, it kind of sucks. Sorry about that. I had a hard time getting the punchline right, and it's probably about the least detailed and polished done strip that'll ever see the light of the site. But don't worry, H2-man will be back, because there were a lot of those things floating around Queens and I have a backlog of venom to spit at them.

Also, the Onion came up with a different, albeit similarly interesting theory about Dick Cheney than the one the Weekly World News proposed.

—bullfrog

Posted: 8:56 am, Tuesday, Sept. 14, 2004

I had planned on putting something else up in this space today - namely, pictures of the new apartment - but I decided I'd talk about my weekend, instead.

I took 2.0 to Notre Dame for the first time this weekend, to show off the campus and so she could meet the few of my friends she still had yet to experience. These friends were E, Leahy, RAW, Bitter, Mikey, JJ and the irrepressible Ben. I'm not big on babies in general, but Ben was pretty friggin' cool, as evidenced by these two pictures:

Sure, it's only Busch Light, but the kid's got a headstart on the rest of the class of 2026. Also, Mike would like to point out that, yes, the kid's initials are BC, and, yes, that looks a far sight closer to maize than gold that Ben's sporting, but the kid's Irish through and through. Just, he wore his plaid pants on Thursday and they weren't clean yet.

Anyway, I have a bunch of pictures from the weekend, but most of them are of little interest, since they're of me and my friends. Nobody really wants to see that, so I'll post the two most universally interesting of the batch.

Mmmm, champagne of beers.

Mmm, Notre Dame beats Michigan. This picture was taken from field level because, despite the fact I am 26 and gravitated five football seasons ago, I still feel the need to rush the field after a big win. It's a really happy atmosphere down there, lemme tell you. Except for the poor bastards in the Michigan band - 150 people looking like their dogs had all simultaneously died.

Also, as it turns out, I am satisfying the very first request for content made by a reader of Five Bucks to Friday. My old roommate Eric wrote me while I was typing this out, demanding more stuff about Notre Dame football on the site, because as he says, 'It is the most important thing in the world.' As I'm sure he'd agree that no one wants to see our friends, hopefully the scoreboard and the next two pics will satiate him:

Tyrone, looking not at all like a man whose job is in jeopardy, before the game.

That big green blob of humanity is the student section. Unfortunately, Michigan made this kick. Fortunately, it didn't matter, because they lost. Nyah-nyah.

Highlights of the weekend:

2.0, attending her first football game since she cheered back in junior high: "I don't get it - why do they even let Michigan fans park anywhere near the stadium? Shouldn't they have, like, an empty lot 15 miles away and just leave them there?"

The win gave Notre Dame the all-time winningest football team in the land again (we were out of the top spot for a week), .746 over the .745 that Michigan sports. The best was that the PA announcer - who was a bit loopy all day, really - announced this as the losing players were headed to the tunnel.

Sgt. Tim McCarthy, of the Indiana State Troopers: "Remember, if you don't drive stoned, you won't hit rock bottom."

28-20. Ah, boo-tiful.

bullfrog