Comic for Wednesday, November 29th, 2006

Posted: 7:35 am, Wednesday, November 29th

I think Perfectly Good Junk would be a good name for a band. I think a lot of things would be a good name for a band, though. Perfect Texan, Sporadic Ass..

I don't know why - perhaps his It-ness is so pervasive that it attracted me - but I was drawn to this article on the Village Voice page yesterday while checking for the new Savage Love column. It is about the new "It" boy in the New York club scene, and it is mind-boggling. Apparently, this kid of indeterminate age who wears flannel sweaters and coke-bottle glasses has created such an iconic blend of stereotypes that he has managed to brand himself. If writing it properly didn't entail me having to actually spend time among these people, I would consider making Lissa an "It" girl.

The AV Club interviews Maynard from Tool this week. Maynard does not mention the fact that his band name regularly appears on t-shirts in Five Bucks, but he does speak about wine at length, which is kind of interesting.

The Morning News has a little picture tour through Dyker Heights in Brooklyn, where the tacky nouveau-rich go all-out in their Christmas decorating. I think I'll have to swing by there this season. Oh, the Rockefeller Center tree gets lit tonight, if I heard correctly, so for God's sake, avoid Rockefeller Center tonight. At least the weather is (disturbingly) nice for a change - usually it's twenty and spitting rain.

I found a new awesome comic yesterday, which is wildly, wildly crude, and yet completely hilarious. It's carried in the Baltimore City Paper along with the lovely Lulu Eightball, and this is the one I've chosen to link to. They're almost entirely hilarious and astoundingly off-color.

Florida State's playing in the Emerald Bowl this year. That's hilarious. Fucking Dwayne Jarrett.

So, yesterday on the way to work, I was listening to, of all things, the Macho Man Randy Savage rap album that one of my friends got me as a joke for Christmas a few years back. I had heard a track here or there on my Shuffle, but I think this was the first time I had heard the whole thing. This thing is a comedy classic. There's a track that co-stars DJ Kool, who is slumming so hard that he actually does the throat clearing thing. There's a dis track aimed at Hulk Hogan, there's several rally-the-party tracks (I want to go back in time and kill the first rapper to deliver the lines, "wave your hands in the air/like you just don't care") in which Macho Man throws it out of the East *and* West Coasts. There's a seduction track ("first you love me/then you hate me/wanna leave me/pretty lady/what's the deal with that?"). There are several references to wrestling prowess - including a laundry list of where Macho Man won his six title belts (he throws it out to the SilverDome, where one of the WrestleManias was held back in the day). And then the disc ends with "Perfect Friend," a fallen-homie track dedicated to Mr. Perfect. Wow. The rhymes are ham-handed, the beats elementary, and the rapping sub-competent. And it's still better in every regard than that Gwen Stefani track from the other day.

bullfrog

Let's see: Kid of indeterminate age...flannel sweaters...coke bottle glasses...sounds like Piggy from Lord of the Flies before they get stranded on a deserted island and go all anarchists. If that's what passes for an "It" boy, I'm turning in my nerd/geek credentials. And hit a conch shell on the It boy while you're at it, Bullfrog.

If the Clinton Library costs around $200 million, the proposed Bush II library in Dallas is prepping for a $500 million fund raising job, I'm guessing the next Presidential library will go around a billion smackers. This assumes that the next president can be worse than what we've got right now.

Pity the teams going to Canada for the International Bowl. Probably will be using Canadian Football Rules for that game.

Thought you'd get a kick out of this from Entertainment Weekly: ''I was threatening for a while to put The Sound of Music to a beat,'' Stefani says. ''When I heard [''Wind It Up''] for the first time, I was in tears. I was, like, That is the craziest s--- I've ever heard! It's bizarre how that movie has followed my life.'' Indeed, their plots are similar: Naive and chatty but well-meaning young Catholic girl -- who makes her own clothes! -- goes out into the big wide world, where she survives assorted adventures and meets the man of her dreams. Of course, in Stefani's case, the ''assorted adventures'' didn't involve escaping from Nazis but selling 26 million albums worldwide with a globe-trotting ska-pop band, then 7 million more with her 2004 solo debut, Love.Angel.Music.Baby.

The macho man randy savage is awesome. I couldnt believe how gynormously huge he still is when I saw Spiderman.

BONESAW!!!!

I was also in tears when I heard Wind It Up for the first time. It was the aural equivalent of catching a testicle in a zipper.

Speaking of bad future presidents, from Doonesbury's Say What:

"I am not 'running' for president. I am seeking to create a movement to win the future by offering a series of solutions so compelling that if the American people say I have to be president, it will happen." -- Newt Gingrich

Oh, man, that was the best part - in the dis track to Hogan, he goes on about Hogan's movies being straight to video, while he has a "starring role" in Spider-Man. Outstanding.

Fun Times article on e-mail send-offs, dedicating a few paragraphs on "best." We have a girl at the office who signs off e-mails with "best." I hate her.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/11/26/fashion/26email.html

My preferred sign-offs: "Lub," which I got from a girl CK and I went through Denver with - I find it to be affectionate and pleasingly slang-y; "Out like trout," taken from Zwart, the king of kings; the ever-popular no sign-off at all; and "Die in a fire," used primarily for work e-mails.

My best friend used to sign all of her emails "Peace to..." whatever random thing she could think of.

Peace to the people who suffer from severe ear wax. Peace to the Malawi orphans. Peace to laughing so hard that milk comes out your nose.

Along those lines, "Power to," or "Viva la" could be amusing sign-offs. Viva la Five Bucks to Friday!

And then I just got an e-mail from one of my friends who seems to end most e-mails with "Rock on, cock on."

Does your friend strap one on? Just doesn't seem like the most appropriate preposition...

My theory - and I plan on asking him about this - is that he's using "cock" as a verb.

I just noticed I left a word out of Pete's dialogue in the second panel. "...you long for" is supposed to be the line. Durnit.

I'm looking up some books to tell my mom to get me for Christmas. I'm using Amazon to get the author's names, and then she'll go to the independent bookstore up in Stuyvesant Plaza in Albany. So I run a search for 'john brown,' for the paperback of the John Brown biography that came out maybe a year or so ago. You know, ol' John Brown lies a-moulderin' in his grave, Harper's Ferry, all that.

Amazon: "Did you mean 'dan brown'?"

No, I did not fucking mean Dan Brown.

Even in retirement Randy Savage mocks Hulk Hogan. Excellent. And I have to say, Savage as an interplanetary super villain wrestler in an episode of Dexter's Lab beats Hogan's role in a very bad super high tech "Knight Rider" on water series: Thunder in Paradise.

"Step it into a Slim Jim."