Comic for Tuesday, October 17th, 2006

Posted: 7:16 am, Tuesday, October 17th

Let's see if we can make it through today without me learning anything harrowing like my friends have been following Rockapella on tour for years, or can re-write the screenplay to Clue without having to reference the original.

Neverminding that the inherent problem in the very existence of the Santa Clause 3, has anyone noticed a similarity between the bizarre logo they've designed for the franchise and that of Mortal Kombat?

Speaking of Mortal Kombat, someone put together a ten worst ways to die in video games video. It's pretty hit-or-miss, but seeing Sub-Zero rip someone's spinal column out really brings me back to tenth grade. I would say the worst way to die in video games is through a computer glitch. That's just aggravating. The site that video came from is pretty sweet, though. Which reminds me, I was at Barnes and Noble looking at magazines the other day, there's a Retro Gamer magazine. Holy niche marketing, Batman. And, wow, it's been around for 30 issues. Crazy.

Well, duh, Rolling Stone. Of course, the real pricelessness is going on in the comments, as usual. I weep for humanity.

I found this "Best David Blaine street magic thing ever" yesterday, and it is hilarious. Some definite NSFW audio, though, so just remember to check it out later.

Oh, why was I at Barnes and Noble looking at magazines, you may've asked, when I was lamenting the passing of Coliseum the other day and they have a huge magazine selection and I should be doing everything I can to give them business while they remain open? Because sometimes, you just need to get magazines. In this case, wedding magazines. 2.0 and I got engaged over the weekend, and now there are a bunch of magazines on my coffee table with chicks in white dresses on their covers and three pages in each of them called 'The Groom's Guide.' These people know their market.

Yep, after a little over three years of dating, I have finally worn down 2.0's will to the point where she agreed to marry me. So we're pretty happy around these parts these days, and if you're a friend of mine learning this news through this site, please don't be miffed - I am so sick of talking on the friggin' phone. What I am *not* sick of, however, is walking into a room where 2.0 is not present, and announcing, "Where is my fiance?! I've lost my fiance! The poor baby!" and then answering myself, "Maybe the dingo ate your baby!" I find this even funnier when 2.0 is in the room I just left, and still in earshot (our apartment's not as small as Ron's, but it would still be a pretty easy game of Clue, so this is almost always the case).

What does this mean, for you, the reader? Well, that you'll probably have to hear about some of the planning details, but hopefully I can keep it in mind that those details are of no interest to anyone who's not 2.0 or myself. More important, Five Bucks to Friday is immediately becoming a subscription-based site, because I have no idea how we're funding the pig roast. (Oh, the wedding reception is going to be a pig roast. Spit, apple in the mouth, everything. It's gonna be awesome.) I'm actually making this fee retroactive, so you all owe me $500. Pay up. Now.

No, really, it's just the part where you may have to hear boring details from time to time.

bullfrog

OH MY GOD, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!

Please cancel my subscription. This website is overpriced. Thanks.

By the way, I've been to a pig roast and, while it is one of the more disgusting sights I've ever seen, the pork was tremendous.

Congrats to the two of you! Don't let anyone scare you, it's great when it's with the right person. Of course it took me two tries to figure that out, but not everyone is as dense as me.

Zero

we refer to the first one as 'the practice wife'

Like Reggie kicking field goals, Bullfrog needs no practice on this one. He's got it right on the first field goal attempt.

That is easily the most bizarre compliment 2.0's ever received.

Congrats! have fun with it! don't let people stress you out or give you too many opinions :)

Congratulations! Weddings are great, just know the difference between "ecru" and "offwhite" and you're golden.

Maybe if you start the pig roast at 7:11....

Oh, man, corporate sponsorship! Hello, goldenpalace.com?

Me, bizarre? No way. I was thinking that you guys might seek to have the Kabob guy from Queens sponsor it. Of course, we'd all have to get really drunk to enjoy the food, but it sure would taste great.

I can't believe I've been doing this strip for over two years and the boys have yet to get a kebob. Man, those things were life savers after the nine-hour R-train ride back to Queens.

Oh wow, congratulations to you both!

Hurrah! Hurrah! Congrats to you guys.

Was the ring the pretty pink plastic star ring? ;-)

Would've loved to have done that. Unfortunately, star-cut diamonds don't seem to exist. At least not at a price I can afford.

I am guessing that picking the first song you guys dance to is going to be the hardest decision for this grand affair. Punk?

e - i was thinking the same thing. might i recommend "nobody does it better" by carly simon? admittedly not punk, but still awesome.

Nah, we've had that picked out for a while. I'm not sure if I can share or if the lady wants to keep it under wraps for a bit, though. Not punk, that'll come later.

I started thinking music immediately, though, so good call there. We will need a windowsill and an air horn for one song, that's for certain.

And if "Nobody Does it Better" gets played, it'll be the Me First and the Gimme Gimmes cover of it.

SKT: Sounds like you might want to bring some first aid supplies. Bullfrog has been known to get hurt when dancing.

I think we should have some FBTF loyal readers imput into the wedding plans - such as naming the pig before the roast or placing certain older relatives next to poorly behaved college friends at the reception or picking out the appropriate 'outfit' for Sweaty to wear...

I think Sweaty should be seated in the restroom with a lot of white russians.

Why does everyone think I'm inviting Sweaty?

You know he'll crash if you don't.

Snap dude, congratu-motherfuckin'-lations!

I just noticed that 2.0 hasn't chimed in all day. Maybe she's reconsidering ;-)

I realized after I submitted that, that it wasn't very nice of me to say...even though I was joking. I apologize and congratulate you again and wish you eternal happiness together. :-)

Thanks, Pat. (Thizzanks? Something.)

2.0 just started a new job last Monday, and I think she's wary of using the interweb at the office. Or perhaps you're right, and she's hocked the ring, bought a Vespa and set out West. 50-50 chance, really.

Yeah, Sec, I'm *real* offended. S'alright, man, no worries.

I wasn't around yesterday so I didn't have a chance to defend my honor. Ok, so there's nothing to really defend. The Rockapella concert that I saw was actually really good, plus it amazingly took place in my home town of about 6,000 people. They also have a new bass that, while looking nothing like our former roommate Poof, danced exactly like him.

Hey, so congrats to you two wild and crazy kids!

Oh, and coincidentally I happened to watch Wedding Crashers for the first time last night. I now got all the moves down. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Yeah, be afraid, bridesmaids! Sweaty is going to bust out every backhanded trick in the book to get you... to stay up talking about feelings and holding hands all night.

$500. Crap.

Can I bribe you with football tickets instead?

Seriously, congratulations.

Dude, you can bribe me with a donut most days. (Sprinkles are my weakness.)

Congratuations on your engagement. May your bachelor party hijinks not involve Reggie or Sweaty. Or the Girls Gone Wild tour bus.

Two suggestions for raising funds for the wedding: Assign a $500 /time fee for any spammers who wish to advertise their favorite porn website (and watch the spam disappear). Or maybe you should start up a MySpace graphic design/consulting gig so that people can have truly worthy MySpace or Facespace (I think that's the rival one) site.

And you'd think there would be really bad MySpace wedding sites.

I forget why, but I was looking at MySpace wedding photography pages at one point... Probably just clicking through the disasters. There's some eye-peelers in there, that's for sure.

Your bachelor party "hijinks" most certainly will involve Reggie and Sweaty. I'm not sure what a "hijink" is but I'm sure we're more than capable.

Congratulations!!! I normally don't use a lot of exclamation points, but I've been influenced by the spam!!! I'd love to visit statistics of drug use!!! But seriously, it is awesome that 2.0 and you will proceed together forever, now with legal benefits.

Jeremiah is correct, I am at a new job and I don't want to let on that I am a slacker just yet. Thank you all for your shock and congratulations! I got a little chocked up I must admit.

As for the song, it isn't punk, but it *is* a secret.

Sweats, I'm sorry...my bridesmaids all have 'plus ones' or are otherwise inappropriate for you to touch. Jain's brother will break your neck upon request...fair warning.

Anyone got a good father daughter song that is somewhat unconventional?

My dad and sister danced to "Hey Ya," and it was awesome.