Comic for Tuesday, May 16th, 2006

Posted: 12:01 am, Tuesday, May 16th

Random characters! Well, I know one of you out there likes 'em, at any rate. I have a sad confession to make - we lost at softball last night. Which in itself is not exactly headline news, but we lost to the friggin' the Ohio State University. I'm guessing it was their local alumni club or something, and they behaved themselves roughly like you'd expect a bunch of Buckeyes to behave, ie, like utter toolbags. Their third baseman was OK, but the rest of them... Well, at least the rest of my teammates - who, being sane, non-Domers, I'm assuming were rather neutral on the issue of tOSU grads before last night - now hate them, also. So that's fun.

Mentioned yesterday I've been listening to the new NoFX. I’m torn if my favorite song is “The Man I Killed,” in which the man in question is Shitwit, or “Leaving Jesusland.” I'm pretty sure it's "Leaving Jesusland." Also recommended is one of the songs from the advance EP, “Never Trust a Hippie,” “You’re Wrong.” Interesting thing about NoFX, they seem to currently have a very odd manifestation of outrage fatigue, in which they have come to accept that their outrage is ultimately meaningless (the final lines in Man I Killed and You’re Wrong are “There's a priest kneeling next to me, he asks me if I realize, I was going straight to hell, and he thought that I should know, That the man I killed's replacement planned this whole scenario, And what I did had no significance at all,” and “You're wrong and will probably never know”), which makes them even angrier. Which is basically what you want out of your punk bands.

The Mavs are still playing right now, so I don't know if they're down 3-1 or are now even with the Spurs, and nor do I really care, since the NBA doesn't do anything for me, but I do know that Mark Cuban is hilarious, and evidently he may want to buy the Pittsburgh Pirates. I cannot tell you how much that would rule. This guy, for non-sports fans out there, just got fined $200,000 for running out and blogging about how bad the refs were in a game the Mavs lost earlier in the series. God, if he thinks Stern is incompetent, can you imagine his blog entries about Selig? Anyway, between Cuban maybe buying the Pirates, Joey Porter hopefully shoving his Super Bowl ring up Shitwit's nose, and evidently the next Gretsky (or Lemieux, whichever) suiting up for the Pens, Pittsburgh is just a Wannstache away from becoming a sports mecca. Seriously, Dave Wannstedt is terrible.

I'm listening to a Dodgers-Rockies game right now, and there is some fan just *tearing* into the umpire. He m'ise well be in the booth with the announcers. Hilarious.

Verizon got hit with a $50 billion lawsuit for providing the NSA with info on its customers. Good, you fucking fucks.

The magic of Netflix delivered the Big Lebowski to me this past weekend, but I haven't gotten to watch it yet. I finally saw it two years ago, after Tree and Kupka both showed up to the same Halloween party dressed up as the Dude and made me promise to watch it. Highly recommended for anyone out there who hasn't seen it - for those of you who have, or those of you who want to cheat a bit, here's some guy's take on it. And then here's a shirt of it.

The lady that runs Three Martini Lunch lives out in the desert and gets to raise a lot of her own food, evidently. She's also taking pro-biotics, which 2.0's been meaning to get to (or has gotten to without my noticing), and which seems to be kind of a growing trend. I've never been prescribed many antibiotics, but I know that between overprescription of them and due to all the biotics they put in our food (thanks for caring, FDA!), they're becoming less and less effective in fighting diseases and are stripping away the good bacteria in our stomach as we're intaking them more and more often when we don't need to. (At least, this is all my understanding of it.) She goes on to also lay into depasteurized milk, which upsets me because I cannot do without milk, man. Why can't people just sell me Goddamn food without screwing with it? Man.

Anyway, thanks to the F taking half an hour to come get me after my run-in with tOSU, it's getting late. So I'll save the rest of what I had and run the MySpace nightmare o' the day and then go to bed. OK, I'm cheating a bit today and giving you a trifecta of hideousness. The first isn't even that hideous - it's kind of reassuring, honestly. This is the page of a 15-year old girl, which, thankfully, is locked unless you're actually her friend. Nice to see MySpace is trying to discourage cyberstalking underage kids. But, still, look at what this girl friggin' named herself. And she evidently loves Troy more than life. She's from up in my neck of the woods originally, it seems. Oh well. Moving on to the actual horrible .html disasters, we've got these two entries from people who are either in Disney Channel shows or are unhealthily obsessed with Disney Channel shows. Here's a pink disaster from the co-star of Phil of the Future, which I've seen twice, and it's been the same damned episode twice about them picking up a caveman for some fucking reason. And here seems to be the same girl and some friend of hers in an orange nightmare (sound). Brilliant decision, the red text on an orange background. Are kids today born with some extra lens in their eyes that allows them to read text on these backgrounds? Honestly, why does the concept of contrasting colors escape them. Imagine if I wrote this page in navy blue text. You'd all come to my house and punch me in the teeth.

But I digress. I'm going to go get a glass of water and go to bed. You know what's coming up next:

bullfrog

Sweet moustache!

And hairy forearms! Awesome!

The best 'probiotics' can be found in any yogart with live cultures. As long as you're not lactose intolerant, plain ole yogart works dreams. And no need for that new expensive Dannon stuff--the cheap, plain stuff works just as well. Though you may want to give organic or a no-rBGH (bovine growth hormone) brand a try. (Milk is a topic for another day.)

--Just my .02

Thanks, ad. I had originally intended to reference you in the little paragraph up there about food, because I remember you dropped some nutrition nollitch on us in the past, but I must've gotten wrapped up in the Dodgers-Rockies game or something.

Two good ones from Talking Points Memo today. The first is just one of his readers' comments on Shitwit's speech last night (anyone watch? I was busy getting hammered by tOSU):

http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/archives/0084 62.php

The second is about some pretty damning evidence about Cheney and the Plame leak, complete with a link to the scan of the Wilson op-ed behind the entire thing, with Cheney's hand-written notes in the margins, setting the trackwork for the whole brouhaha.

http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/archives/0084 54.php

I whole heartedly agree with ad on the live culture yoghurt.

I like the stonyfield brand and the whole milk vanilla. so freaking good.

I dig Stonyfield, too, although I can't remember if it was them or Horizon that I heard something about them not really being all they're cracked up to be... Anyway, until I remember that, we'll throw them a link, even.

http://www.stonyfield.com/

horizon is organic, but their treatment of their animals is inhumane.

Whoa, looks like I pulled a Kaavya whatever when I wrote the piece on outrage fatigue on my blog.

I have an eerie recall of Onion articles, Pat, I'm sure no one else noticed. Did I spell Lemieux right? I meant to check it against one of your posts, but, again, I forget things awfully easily.

Thanks, Crownover. Stonyfield it is.

And thanks for the Pittsburgh sports props.

Deadspin has a nice little ranking system of the towns Bonds has traveled to with the Giants so far this season and how much grief the opposing fans have given him. Philly ranks #1 right now, with Houston having jumped into the second spot after just one game. Nice work down there, Houston, which is the first time in history I have ever said anything halfway complimentary about Houston.

http://www.deadspin.com/sports/barry-bonds/if- barry-bonds-falls-in-the-forest-does-he-make-a-sound-173997. php

The only thing I paid a whole lot of attention to from Dear Leader's speech last night was that everyone is now supposed to speak English because it will ensure them ecomonic success... (Note: the link between education and economic success in this case is tenuous; Spanish speaker's economic success hinges on their skin color, not the language they speak.) I kept thinking that he somehow managed to become president without a firm grasp of the English language. Throwing stones at glass houses?

--You can read about the various cows (written in first cow narrative) that provide milk for Stoneyfield Farms here: http://www.stonyfield.com/HaveACow/MoosFromYou rCow.cfm

Ugh, I don't know if I can...

You got Lemieux right, but oddly, you misspelled Gretzky.