Comic for Monday, March 20th, 2006

Posted: 7:35 am, Monday, March 20th

I finally saw Wedding Crashers over the weekend. I don't know if I liked it better than 40-year Old Virgin or not, but it's nice to see raunchy comedies are back in vogue. I also hope this is the end of Vince Vaughn being in anything other than 'guy' comedies for a decade or so. Swingers, Old School, Wedding Crashers v. Domestic Disturbance and Psycho. Rrrright.

I'm completely out of the protesting loop these days - I had no idea anything was going on this past weekend. Didn't even think of the now-annual End the War marches. Too bad, those are generally well-attended, although everyone's outrage fatigue that set in shortly before the '04 elections and then reached near-terminal levels immediately thereafter seems to be keeping turnout low. There is, of course, the valid question of whether or not protest marching ever does any good - these aren't the 60s and 70s anymore, and public opinion is pretty solidly against the war at this point, anyway - but I always feel good getting out there, waving a sign and yelling a bit.

I went to Mass while Face the Nation was on yesterday (note to Gawker - screw you, I like CBS Sunday Morning, especially when the old guy in the bowtie starts rhyming for no clear reason), but 2.0 tells me Cheney did not shoot Schieffer. He did, however, use the phrase "pre-9/11 mentality," which is *so* 2004.

Also in the news - this is from last week, but I haven't had a chance to get to it 'til now. Shitwit went to try and tell some seniors why his drug plan - which, shockingly, is not a roaring success - is a roaring success. Unfortunately, because he was addressing an old folk's home, he evidently decided the usual pre-screening process to make sure no Democrats were in the room was unnecessary. Didn't work out that way. Patronizingly, he called himself the "educator-in-chief." Choice excerpts from the entire transcript, and keep in mind that this is from the White House site, so every "um" and "durrrr" that this chimp uttered did not actually make it to the official record.

(The very first question)

Q: (Inaudible) -- subject. First, welcome to the Blue State of Maryland.

THE PRESIDENT: Thank you. It's good to be here.

Q: Secondly, I am a member of Medicare, of course. I'm also a member of Kaiser Permanente. My medical bills are absolute nothing -- 90 days or $8. Why does Kaiser have more of a means of putting forth these medications than does the government of the United States?

THE PRESIDENT: See, she is a part of a private program that has provided a benefit that you like, and you don't want to change and you don't have to change -- and that's what we're trying to do. We're trying to give people different options like the option you have got.

In the old system, they didn't have those options. Matter of fact, they didn't have a prescription drug benefit in the old Medicare system. Now the Medicare system has invited a series of providers -- I think there's 34 different providers here in the state of Maryland, if I'm not mistaken -- that say, now, I want to give you a chance to be able to come up and have the same satisfaction with the program that you do.

Look, if you're happy with where you are -- and it sounds like you're pretty happy about it -- don't change.

Q: I'm not going to.

(later)

THE PRESIDENT: No, that's right. Yes, I mean, in other words, Erickson is a part of the menu of opportunity.

(later, after Bush found the script again)

Q: Mr. President, I'm happy to be here at Riderwood. I'm retired military, retired from the Veterans Administration also, and I can get treatment from VA. What is the best thing for a man like me to do? There are many retired military people here who are in the same situation.

THE PRESIDENT: Well, I think the Veterans Affairs benefits are a very good package. And Veterans Affairs, one of their major responsibilities is to honor the commitment they've made to you, sir. And they intend to honor it. Again, I don't know all the details of your Veterans Affairs benefit package, but you ought to take a look at all options. It's just a free look. Get your son to get on the Internet with you and just see whether or not it makes any sense. But I'll bet you'll find the Veterans' benefits are pretty good.

(Emphasis mine, clearly no old people can use the interweb.)

(Later, and, remember, this is *not* every single stutter.)

Q: My mom is 75, she is sick, she's back in New Jersey alone. She didn't know anything about the Part D in the drug plan until I told her in February, with all the publicity and everything. I'm trying to walk her through it, but she doesn't know what to tell me. I don't know how to help her. I've punched her stuff into medicare.gov, I've got the basics, but it's still too much for her to afford. And I don't know where to tell her to go and get help. She wants to know if you guys will roll back the May 15th deadline.

THE PRESIDENT: No. And the reason why is there's got to be a fixed time for people to sign up. We want people to realize there is -- now is the time. And I'm not exactly sure about your mom's situation. I do want to thank you for helping her. Daughters ought to help their mothers realize what's available.

Now, again, there is a -- I'm not sure what the plan -- the structure looks like in New Jersey, but rolling back deadlines is not going to help your mom make a good decision. You're going to have to help her make the decision. And a lot of people like your mom were in the same situation -- they took a look, said it looks confusing. But there's a lot of help. That's what -- one of the reasons I'm here to talk about --

Q: The thing I'm trying to find out is -- this is a great system where you have a group like Riderwood -- it's a great system in Riderwood, where people can come together, or the church groups. But what do you do with the people who are just sick enough, they can't go out, they don't have help, you know? Do we have a system to knock on doors, to walk --

THE PRESIDENT: Absolutely. That's exactly what our --

Q: Where can I send her?

THE PRESIDENT: Well, first of all, I happen to think -- and I don't want -- look, I'm not going to tell you your business, but I think it's your responsibility to help your mom, and I think a lot of parents -- a lot of children should help their moms. (Applause.) And I think you really ought to take a look at the different options for her. I mean, the best grassroots outreach is child to parent. There's other outreach, you're right. The church is outreaching. Again, I don't know the particulars in the neighborhood. I can -- if you can get us the area in which she lives, we can find a group that's very much involved in helping people like your mom. I appreciate it.

But that's the whole -- her -- she's got a great point. In order to -- we've got to explain this to as many people as we can. And I fully understand that it's confusing. That's why I started off the talk, it can be confusing to people. But when you work through -- work through the different options and look at the steps and have somebody explain it to you, in the end, it is a really good deal.

Now, if she doesn't choose to be a part of Part D, that's a choice that you and she and others will make. But it is -- it has proven to be a cost-effective decision for our seniors. The typical senior has their drug bill cut in half. That's across America. If your mom qualifies, she will get more than 95 percent of her drug bills paid by the government.

And so thanks for bringing it up.

Q: Back here.

THE PRESIDENT: Oh, yes.

Q: We still have millions of under-insured or uninsured citizens in the United States, and what are you going to do about that?

And this, boys and girls, is why his audiences are usually very thoroughly screened.

OK, enough of beating up on Shitwit, it's time for a snack. CK came over to dinner last week, and brought us some fine NASCAR-themed choc-o-lot. Autographed by Joe Gibbs himself, since he evidently owns the number 20.

No, the truck didn't crash into anything, I just couldn't resist digging in.

On the back is the hardest crossword puzzle I've ever attempted, since they're all NASCAR questions.

If anyone can solve this without resorting to Google, I don't know why you read this site. I mean, I'm glad you do, and I hope you don't take anything I may say about NASCAR personally. Driving is totally a sport.

And, hey, tonight is the WBC Championship between Japan and Cuba. The Dominicans' bats went silent in their last few games, so I'm rooting for the Cubans tonight. In spirit, since I'm probably just going to be drawing or writing or something while the game is on, but maybe I'll listen on the radio. Anyway, good luck, Cuba. Here's a picture of Jeter doing his now-familiar "this didn't turn out the way I wanted it to" face, which is the last time we'll get to see it until October.

Unless he gets back together with that model. Oh, one last thing from Deadspin - the ads that we are endlessly subjected to during March Madness. I don't know the last time I went to a Friday's, but if I had a friend who said, "Make way for CJ" and then did my BBQ sauce or whatever as a shot, I would drive a fork through his eye and no jury would convict me. Statefarm - you're advertising during a basketball tournament, to people watching basketball. Why would you then portray them as sociopathic morans? Appleby's - thanks for ruining the Gilligan's Island theme song. Assholes. Pontiac - for the true fan, the entire season is worthwhile. It's for all us NCAA bandwagon jumpers that the whole season comes down to one weekend. And, finally, Gatorde - rain? Has no flavor.

bullfrog

Oh, and go Irish, beat Wolverines. I'm all basketballed out after watching my bracket Hindenberg over the weekend, but any chance to beat that craptastic school from Ann Arbor at anything, even tiddlywinks, is welcomed.

60 minutes did a great piece on the Bush Administrations supression of climate change information. If you happened to miss it there's a brief clip, and an article here:

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/03/17/60mi nutes/main1415985.shtml

Whoa, unexpected. The Sox just dealt Bronson to the Reds for Wily Mo Pena.

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=23 76683

The outfield now has Coco Crisp, Wily Mo, Trot and Manny. Manny Ramirez can actually be considered the most normal of the outfielders, at least as far as names go.

Yo, all - threadless has a ten-dolla sale 'til Wednesday morning, in case anyone's looking for a sweeeeeeet t-shirt.

i totally want the 99 Luftballons from threadless!

Then get it, fool, it's ten friggin' dollars!

shut the hell up... i can get fired for checking your site during the day! :)

p.s. i'll probably buy it tonight :) hehe

p.s. i'll probably buy it tonight :) hehe

Yeah, be a shame to get fired. You love your work environment so much.

kill. me. now.

but he's out today -- back problems, he can't even stand up. KARMA IS A B*TCH!

kill. me. now.

but he's out today -- back problems, he can't even stand up. KARMA IS A B*TCH!

Dude, don't hit refresh after posting a comment. Leave the page and come back, or it double posts.

Dude you need to adjust your thinking...you WANT to get fired. Buy that shirt girlfriend. Buy it and wear it to work!

sorry babe -- i keep hitting refresh by accident when i'm switching tabs in safari.... i suck.

i do want to get fired... i just don't know what it's going to take... he tells me i'm worthless and then keeps me around. it's insanity!

Today's edition of Workplace Angst is brought to you by the Five Bucks players and our very special guest, "amy". Come back tomorrow, where who-knows-who will air their grievances! Who knows, it could be *you!*

don't forget outfielder juan gone: http://boston.redsox.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/news/a rticle.jsp?ymd=20060319&content_id=1355850&vkey=spt2006news& fext=.jsp&c_id=bos

great potential with both crisp & pena. i'm be excited about it. but i'm thinking these 'new guys' may be at the expense of kapler, stern, maybe nixon.

I'm tremendously attached to Kapler or Stern - is Kapler active right now? I haven't been following spring training all that closely. I'd be bummed if we moved Trotman, but I could see it if we could get some solid bullpen help for him.

nixon for YEARS has been rumored to be shopped around. the red sox, as any other team, would likely listen to offers for anyone who could get them something better to make the team a better contender for the al east title, trot included. kapler is still rehabbing, from what i understand. he could be ready after the all star break or a little sooner. great clubhouse guy and great attitude. stern has just got all the goods. gotta keep him. the sox need that speed and the hits he could deliver, especially after losing damon. i like the way red sox are shaping up for 2006. i hope they make a great run.

Well, the season ended as it went. I guess that's appropriate. amazingly depressing, but at least now the darn season is REALLY AND TRULY over and hopefully ND has gotten all it's bad luck for the next, oh, 50 years, out of the way.

Yeah, this ND season was just nuts. I figured they'd either win the whole thing or lose the NIT title game in octuple OT.